ever feel so crummy you want a real permanent vacation?

=/

the saddest girl in the world.

"She's the kind of girl that used to be a totally natural knockout when she was young, but back then everyone catered to her and gave her whatever she wanted since she was pretty. She got used to this treatment and never went to school or got any kind of decent job. Just living off of mooching from anyone that thought she was cute. Then she got into taking free drugs from all the guys that wanted to fuck her. You can tell that underneath all those age lines, dark circles, and missing teeth from years of drug and alcohol abuse, that she was a beauty. Once....many years ago...a real fucking beauty." -a.s.

Death of a salesman...

I DON'T BELIEVE IN CELEBRITY WHATSOEVER. IN FACT, I'D BE IMPRESSED A MILLION TIMES MORE BY FINDING A GREAT CUP OF BLACK TEA, THAN EVER MEETING ANY 'CELEBRITY', they're just insecure egoists that need the acceptance and admiration of millions of people they don't know or care about...pretty pathetic if you ask me.

I LOVE TMZ....they're not glorifying Celebrity, they're DESTROYING it. They live to Bust and ridicule Celebrity. How genius is that. Anything or person that lives to soley expose truth in hypocrisy is brilliant.

I prefer reading to television, but when I ABSOLUTELY have to watch, I like smart programming, National Geographic, Jaques Cousteau, Programs on Psychology from the 60s and 70s(Dr, Phillip Zimbardo), Globetrekker with Ian Wright, NOVA, History Channel, plus Cooking shows, Yan can Cook, Americas Test Kitchen, Everyday Foods, Cooking with Todd English, plus anything with Jacques Papin. GUILTY TV PLEASURES: The Original SOUL TRAIN from the mid 70s and SOLID GOLD from the early 80s.

shit for the ears...

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: X-Ray Spex, The Quick('77), The Undertones, The Sparks, Gary Numan, Alice and the Bags, Dead Boys, The Stooges, Cockney Rejects, Cramps, The Jam. BUT I'm really a fan of Classical music, from all cultures. Here in North America, the original Classical music was Chanting, drumming and song by the Native people of this country(American Indians). Favourite Composers: For Violin-Niccolo Paganini(Concerto #1 in D), For Pipe Organ-J.S. Bach (Toccata & Fugue in D minor, in particular), for Cello-J.S. Bach (Suite no.1), PLUS these all time favourites: Modest Musorgsky-Night On Bald Mountain, Gershwin-Rhapsody in Blue, Claude Debussy-Claire De Lune(my personal favourite), Saint-Saens (Carnival of the Animals is genius), East Indian Classical Raga and the fusion of Sitar, Tablas and Electronic beats. I love FUZZ guitar, that really FAT 60s/70s fuzzy garage sound, like guitars with the Big Muff or Arbiter Fuzz Face, some 70s Prog Rock and most Rock with Piano(Bowie, Queen, Todd Rundgren, etc.) and 60s Garage, The Nazz, The Easybeats, The Yardbirds, The Seeds, The Smoke, The Sonics, etc...and since I was raised in the 80s, I love all the rare underground post punk new wave bands from that era. I LOVE the Clavinet (an electric Piano from those cheesy 70s love/lounge easy listening AM GOLD songs)(as heard on Captain and Tennille's Love will Keep Us Together). I realize they can be quite cheesy, but who cares....thats the point, its the humor that is produced that is incredible. And a sense of humor is worth more than any superficial pretty face. I'm NOT a fan or a groupie of ANY band, although I respect my favourites for being the classically talented musicians that they are. in fact I usually HATE going to see bands and feeling like I'm just there to worship on them and stroke their insecure egos like the blond bimbo next to me and accept them for their self-imposed "Coolness", get over yourself dude, you're just another wannabe hipster in just ANOTHER DUMB HOLLYWOOD ROCK BAND...ANYONE THAT WEARS A PUNK BAND SHIRT FROM THE MALL IS PRETTY MUCH A TOTAL POSEUR...BASICALLY THEY'RE SAYING.."I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BEING A REAL PUNK, SO I NEED THIS T-SHIRT FOR YOU TO CATEGORIZE ME AND SEE WHAT SUBVERSIVE SUBCULTURE I WANT YOU TO THINK I'M ACCEPTED IN.." CURRENTLY THE MOST OVERRATED T-SHIRTS ARE 'RAMONES' AND 'MISFITS' SHIRTS(Bootleg shirts are available for $5 at the Alley Downtown, which actually makes those particular shirts kind of PuNk..=/)...THE PEOPLE WHO WEAR THESE USUALLY KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT PUNK MUSIC.(this doesn't apply to the real punks who know their music history and are the real deal) The only real punks you see out are the ones that wear their own home-made shirts and have their own style. YOU CAN'T BUY PUNK, it comes from the inside.Don't get me wrong...I LOVE music, but real music....not some cheesy cliche band that 'everyone' likes(I fucken hate stupid 'recipe' bands like HIM, that poseur Chemical Romance shit, and all that wanna be punk rock like Blink shit 182, Good Charlotte(WTF??!!), Green Day(Poseur Punk) and all those poseur bands that wear fashions from mall stores and all that emo shit and any crap band that exists soley to cater to stupid underage groupies who feel a need to 'belong' and 'be accepted' by some wannabe subversive clique, after all, HOT TOPIC already ruined and destroyed anything that used to be cool and underground by mass marketing it to every junior wannabe punkster in the country) Be Original. Be Classic. Do your research. In reality I pretty much hate everything that the mainstream likes and thinks has talent. BUT here are a few of my favourite musicians anyways that you probably have never heard of....Pandit Nikhil Banerjee(Sitar Maestro), Ravi Shankar, Shahid Parvez(Sitar), Allah Rakha(Tablas), Andres Segovia, Yo-Yo Ma, Itzhak Perlman, David Bowie, Mick Ronson, Randy Rhoads, Lou Reed, Deuter(german composer), Jason Falkner, ANDOR(on my tops). Lately Ive been getting into making electronic soundscapes on my KORG. I could list a ton of "cool" bands to try to get the acceptance of other people into that same kind of music, but I'm not a cliche, I like what I like....ok.....to quell your curiosity, here are just a few that are in my current playlist...Coil, Chris and Cosey, Psychic TV, Throbbing Gristle, Alien Sex Fiend, Einsturzende Neubauten, Meat Beat Manifesto, Clan of Xymox, Fields of the Nephilim, Switchblade Symphony, the Southern Death Cult, Death Ride 69, Gruesome Twosome, Orbital, Nancy Boy, Klaus Nomi, Japan, Grace Jones, Missing Persons, Vangelis, Giorgio Moroder, Jean-Michel Jarre, Jean Marc Cerrone, and Gustav Mahler. (PLEASE BITE MY TASTE and educate yourself)

On death and dying or 'other random shit that I'm into.'

My main interests seem to be: Transparencies, film, slide and video projektors, movie cameras, still cameras, fotocopies, video cameras, anything that can emit or produce an image several times over. When I was in high school, I used to sneak out and spend my saturday nights making art on the copy machines at the Kinkos in Pasadena back in '91-'93, before anyone had home computers with good printers. Aside from that obsession, Uhhhhh........I tend to overanalyze things. I read too much. I sleep alot. I am totally a routine person, and I prefer it that way. I am constantly making lists. I prefer writing on paper than typing on a keyboard. I prefer physical and material things from the 60's, 70s & 80s but love the technology of today. I have trouble making simple decisions and take forever to order food when I go to a new place. I always order the exact same thing if I've already been to that place because I know exactly what it tastes like and then there are no surprises.

Random bits: I've been a photographer in this town for 15 years. I invented club photo booths back in the late 90s when I was hired to shoot and put up Glam styled photo booths at all the now legendary clubs, including, Club Makeup, Beat-It, Coven 13, Bang!, Superstarr, Peepshow, Atomic, and countless others. Back then it was much more glamourous than it is today. We did waaay more than just hold up the camera and snap away without even looking at what was in the frame, like the trendy hipster club photographers of today. We had glitter and sequined backdrops and feather boas and scarves for our clubbers to wear. And back then it was much more about being on the foto page of the club for that night than just having another dumb default picture for your MYSPACE dating pool(gross).

I have a passion for photography as well as a passion for creative and truly talented people. I've been a director of short underground movies since 1992.
I despise mannerless bimbos who expect the world to cater to them cause they dress slutty, have brainless bimbo looks that appeal to pathetic loser moronic men and think they can get away with being stupid. In that case, we will fuck you then throw you aside like a dirty rag, and you will love it....because thats what you're projecting to us with your attitude. Then we'll try to throw you in front of the camera for our amusement and entertainment.

I FIND IT IMPOSSIBLE TO TOLERATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T INTELLIGENT BUT WILL KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT IF THEY ARE PRETTY ENOUGH.(thats not shallow, thats just honest..)AND I detest drunken bimbos who try to come off as intelligent but who clearly have NO IDEA what they're talking about. Actually, sometimes they're funny and entertain me. OK..OK...they're ALWAYS FUNNY AND ENTERTAIN ME.

I love intelligence, manners, class, a sharp wit and genuine self-confidence, when its truly deserved.

WE ARE THE ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT, THE COUNTERCULTURE, WE ARE OUTSIDE THE MAINSTREAM. WE HAVE GIVEN UP ON ESTABLISHED MORES OF OUR CURRENT SOCIETY AND HAVE CREATED OUR OWN, SEEKING A MORE INTELLIGENT WAY OF LIFE WITH TRUTH FREEDOM AND LIBERATION FROM THIS OPPRESSED REGIME. JOIN OUR CULT-THE CHILDREN OF THE APOCALYPSE(referring to the disclosure of a God/higher source, NOT the end of the world).

The following words are things that are of interest to me: The Stones, Aleister Crowley, Psychedelic 60s, 70s UK and NY PuNk, Warhol, 60s New Wave Cinema, 80s New Wave Music, Post Punk, 60s UK Mod, Italian Scooters, European Fashion Mags, Zines, Thrift Shoppe art, Performance Art, 80s & 90s Industrial Musik, Conspiracy Theorism, Backward Masking in music, The Dark Side of Oz, Civil Rights, Environmental Causes, Eastern Spirituality, Gourmet Food and Dining out at exotic dives, 60s Italian Sports Cars and 70s American Muscle cars, the 60s Obsession with Space. Instant anything is cool.

And I respect extroverted people, since I'm not a loudmouth, and I keep to myself alot. I am totally passionately obsessed with food. Just everyday foods, not necessarily Gourmet. I know how to order a sandwich properly from a Subway shop, I like to add spices and condiments to everything, and I can make a ridiculously good hot chai latte tea, from scratch.

to remember me by...

Messy black hair in the eyes, supertight black jeans, Pointy black Chelsea boots, Black Leather jacket(always), hats, sunglasses, and a 1/2 ton of scarves....I wear this almost everyday. and I like Guns(but I'm NOT a conservative/Repub), Motorcycles, leather jackets, the Occult, Dark religion, indian incense(the hardcore stuff), and 60s & 70s B-movies, and just cool stuff I guess. I have no tolerance for underage poseurs(you know who you are). I need to surround myself with POSITIVE people that are actually doing stuff, have good attitudes and are truly talented in SOMETHING....I can't stand Hollywood types that are too cool for school, do nothing and are self important. I lived that life for years when I was seduced by the the club scene years ago and am SO DONE WITH IT AND OVER IT. I like reality and nice people who are genuine and cool.

I'm not a 'bar guy', in fact I cannot stand ignorant club people(no offense to the handful of close people that I have met in the last 10 years) and that whole bar/club scene, it just began years ago when I was asked by club owners to put on nights at their spaces, probably because of all the creative crazies that I used to hang out with back then that used to convene by the masses. little did I know, it would turn into a 10 year long journey and descent into the darkness of drugs, alcohol and creativity. Fortunately I survived that world. Slightly scathed.

"I don't have inner demons...I hold hands with the Devil every nite...and am at the mercy of the gates of the Afterlife every time I close my eyes."

I currently live in a Loft/Art Studio known as ULTRASTAR that doubles as my photo studio and Gallery. Recently I have become somewhat of a RECLUSE....as I rarely ever leave my studio anymore. I mostly stay in my compound and work and paint and shoot, far into the night, and have visitors over occasionally for high tea. I am much happier these days just being home at my studio than going out. I'm always looking to meet cool new people that are visually interesting, to shoot.

I've been part of and seen the ugly side of LA clubs for far too long and am now starting to live a 'real' life that includes travel, museums, international food and non-club people. I have met some cool people, and I have amazing stories for days, enough to write a book or two, but mostly its been late late nights, drinking, and basically a life of pure indulgences that make it difficult to see the world the way it really is. If you let it, the nightclub world will change the way you see things, permanently. Not in a good way either. You live in this fantasy world where everyone thinks they look their best and are in the best mood ever because of booze or drugs and feel good...and they're trying to impress everyone cuz they don't want to go home alone. THATS NOT REALITY. thats called Fantasy(yours). and when that becomes your life/work, it just isn't that fun or self-fulfilling anymore. I am now making a conscious change to have a healthy and spiritual lifestyle.

I paint giant bar codes, collect vintage porn, but I don't really do anything besides collect it...I don't really look at it, only to steal poses from the fotos, but mainly it just sits there on my bookshelf, stacked vertically, one after another....I guess thats a true collector....I mean we just collect it and let it sit there. I have a passion for the underground and non-mainstream anything. I love pop-culture, fashion, music and the lifestyles of the 60s and 70s. I absolutely HATE living in the ideology of today. I hate the trends, the young people, and the media, which has systematically RUINED Everything that was cool by making it a commodity and turning the Nation into TV Zombies. I LOVE late 70s NY and UK PuNk and the nihilistic attitude that shaped that genre. and furthermore I love that sleazy 70s DISCO lifestyle of pure indulgences and excesses. and that period of music in 1980 when disco transitioned into New Wave and all the music that is half disco and half electro and half New Wave with Vocoder.

I am a very positive person and always see the bright side of things(of course I can be a jaded sacastic bitch too...but that's just the Yin and Yang of life) I would love to be a positive influence on people and inspire them in any way, especially creative. I am an ex-fashion designer and used to own a 60s MOD Boutique with my partner Mers, at my loft space, called LE CHIC Boutique. It was pretty cool back then, now every stupid trendster thinks they're a fashion designer because they design Stupid Graphics for T-Shirts.

FAVOURITE PASTIME: Currently, I am thouroughly entertained by standing outside the Burgundy Room, when I go to work as a DJ on Thursdays, and watching all the pathetic insecure RETARDS wait in line for hours, outside of GOA(the so-called 'celebrity' club next door)just to try to get the acceptance and OK from some uneducated Gorilla bouncer list guy to be let into a place where you are RAPED for drink prices and the only game in town is loud mouthed, spoiled, elementary minded, rhinoplasty disaster, donald duck billed bimbos that feel 'special' if they get attention from even the homeless guy begging for change outside of Grecos pizza on the corner. Their Pathetic predictable behaviour is OUR ENTERTAINMENT. Yay! I wouldn't have it any other way.

UPDATE: GOA closed like 5 months ago because they were doing illegal and shady shit. Now I just look at the homeless bums outside who asks for cigarettes.

ON OTHERS BEING INTERNET WHORES/MYSPACE CELEBRITIES: Do you really feel better and more confidant about yourself by having a legion of underage tweens and a sea of ingnorant followers, worship and idolize you? Do you really believe that you have more power by having more people(insignificant as they are) admire and adore you? Does it make you sleep better at night knowing that you got 100 new comments today from from wannabes who think that My Chemical Romance is Punk Rock? If thats all it takes, more power to you. We need your type to exist just to make us more credible. and we Thank You.-A.Staar

I BELIEVE IN THE CASTE SYSTEM.

I AM A STAUNCH SEPARATIST. I STRONGLY BELIEVE SOME PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS.

Young people today make me wanna choke on my own feces. They are all ignorant POSEURS and formula followers. If I see or hear one more self-righteous Bimbo, Guido, Hipster, Scenester, 'Mall' Punk, Ebonic spewing wannabe 'rapper', or any smug 'film/photo/model industry' brat/poseur, I swear I'm gonna fucking shit myself. First off, I'm an ANTI-hipster/scenester. I loathe all the ridiculous ignorant poseurs who wear tight jeans and white belts/boots, have shag/long fringe haircuts, think they are part of the 'indie' band or music scene, live in impoverished areas like silverlake and echo park and think its cool to have no money(truth is they are just lazy), who love Wes Anderson(totally overrated) movies and think the film JUNO represents their culture, have nose piercings, and who desperately, no-matter-what-it-takes, feel a need to be accepted in the los angeles 'Hipster/Scenester/Indie scene. They scream.."PLEASE ACCEPT ME!! PLEASE LET ME BE PART OF YOUR SCENE!!...I WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET THE RECOGNITION AND ACCEPTANCE THAT I THINK WILL MAKE ME COOL" They are insecure, uneducated, egotistical lemmings. They know nothing about the history of what they profess to be into, and are nothing more than uneducated, shallow, spineless invertebrates with only a strong desire to follow in the herd, like cattle to the slaughter. And they will be slaughtered.

Everyone who doesn't impress me can go be consumed in their own excrement.

just another day in hell...

I'm bored with trying to find interesting people in this town...they simply don't exist. The truth is masked by 'Celebrity' bullshit.

First off, I HATE today. The world of today is nothing but 99.999% poseurs searching for recognition. The word 'Celebrity' now means 'Recognized'(for absolutely Anything)....it stands for NOTHING more than that. Every single person who is consumed with pop culture, any music that is played on the radio and pretty much EVERYTHING that is new and spewed forth by the Media(which is pretty much everything unless you live in a cave), well those people are PATHETIC POSEURS WHO FEED ON RECOGNITION FROM ANYBODY TELLING THEM THAT THEY'RE 'OK' and 'ACCEPTED' by the masses. But WHY would ANYONE want to be 'Accepted' by the general public?? The typical American has the LEAST discerning taste on the planet....makes me fucken sick. The only thing cool today is talking to old people that actually 'lived' during those cool years(the 50s thru the early 80s) They lived thru the real deal and are the real deal. However, we are a dying breed. Soon we will all perish into ashes or worm food and there will be NOTHING COOL LEFT. Nothing will EVER be as cool as it used to be. The media has fucked it up permanently and it will NEVER EVER COME BACK. I can't wait until I'm ash and won't have to deal with this world of complete hypocrisy. Until then, Eat, Shit and Fuck.